New Myths - The Heavy Stone

THE HEAVY STONE

It is said that there is a great chasm between heaven and hell. That's not quite true. There is a wide expanse, to be sure, but it is less a chasm and more of a quaint little valley in which the gods of antiquity have gone to enjoy their retirement.  

Once a year the gods gather for a special luncheon to discuss old times, enjoy the demi-god Olympics on a very big screen monitor (with really nice Surround Sound), and sometimes debate matters of theology.

YHWH takes his place at the head of the table, as one would expect, and always hosts a very divine spread for his gathered guests. 

One day Thor, feeling quite feisty, asked YHWH, "Is it true you are all powerful? Omnipotent?"

YHWH nodded in affirmation.

Thor then winked across the table at Zeus and said, "If you are all powerful, can you create a rock so heavy you can't pick it up?"

YHWH laughed, and the valley shook. "Child's play," he replied.

Thor's face reddened and said, "Then do it! If you are all powerful, how could you make a rock you can't pick up?"

YHWH pointed at a spot below the big television monitor and suddenly a stone appeared about the size and shape of a bowling ball. "There," he said. "Pick it up, if you can."

Thor stormed over and tried to pick up the stone ball, but he could not. Zeus strode over; he tried and likewise failed, as did Athena. Amunet and Osiris of Egypt gave it a go, and failed. Quetzalcoatl and Coatlicue of Mexico likewise could not budge the stone. Shangdi of China took his turn. All failed to budge the stone, let alone lift it.

"It's your turn," challenged Thor to YHWH. "Let's see you pick up a stone so heavy even an all powerful deity cannot pick it up."

"I will do better than that," answered YHWH. I will ask a little old church lady to pick it up." And with that, a little old lady full of wrinkles came riding down the golden escalator from heaven, toddled over to the stone, and picked it up with ease.

All of the major and minor deities in attendance were absolutely gob smacked at the sight.

"How ... how ... how did she do THAT?" asked Thor with a stuttering stammer.

The little old lady looked at Thor with her bright, twinkly blue eyes and said, "When you have been a church treasurer as long as I was in my little parish, you just learn how to do the impossible."

And YHWH roared with laughter.

© Keith Axberg