There are times in life where a person simply feels worthless, no matter what.
The past few weeks we have been looking at the subject of forgiveness. My approach to the subject tends to be primarily pragmatic. When we do something wrong, we need to make amends, adjust our behaviors, modify the way we think, and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a grace freely offered by the “other” and not a right we can demand.
When others hurt or offend us, we have no duty to unthinkingly forgive them their trespasses. Cheap grace, freely offered, will not help others to change the things they do or inspire them to consider more seriously the consequences of their actions.
A third area of forgiveness I want to explore today has to do with our capacity to forgive ourselves, and to discern what needs to be forgiven and what doesn’t.
Some people simply do not like themselves. They feel dirty, or worthless. Often they are the victims of abuse or neglect, and no matter how often one assures them that they are loved or valued, they simply won’t believe it.
Their memories often resemble those brief movie clips one sees online (“gif files”) where a brief scene – like a slip-and-fall – (lasting mere seconds) runs in an endless loop.
Is there a way to stop the loop? Is there a way to break the cycle?
I believe there is. First of all, there are many self-help groups available for those who suffer mild forms of almost any condition. Sometimes it is enough to simply spend time with others who have experienced what one has experienced; there is comfort in knowing we are not alone.
There is strength and healing to be gained from spending time with those who have not only had experiences that parallel our own, but who have come through and are now able to function competently in the world.
It is important to hang with those who have successfully navigated the waters of life and have found a new world waiting for them. As it turns out, I believe a new world is waiting for each of us.
The Bible tells us that God is gracious, full of compassion, slow to anger, and of great kindness. Although one may certainly find images of God in the Bible who is rough and tumble mean and vicious, I am drawn time and again to the images of a God who is gentle, kind, and loving.
God searches the hills for the scared lamb that is lost (like a good shepherd); God searches the house for a lost coin (like a diligent home-maker); like a fretful parent, God searches the horizon for signs of a lost child returning home. Each of these stories (in Luke 15) is a story of a God who risks life and limb for those God loves – (everyone!), and invites everyone to join in celebrating the dramatic rescue.
The bottom line for me is that there is no one who is not worth rescuing.
We cannot undo the things that have hurt us, but neither do we need to accept responsibility for the things we‘ve experienced.
That’s my second point. The challenge is to believe what we know to be true, that sometimes we are victims, but the fault lies with those who hurt us. They are the ones who misbehaved, not us. Those who were called to protect and nurture and who chose to abandon or abuse are responsible for their actions. They need to give an accounting to society (or God) for what they did or failed to do.
Those things are not our fault
We cannot undo them. We can grieve the loss of innocence; we can acknowledge the pain endured and the anguish their actions caused; but we can also learn to release them, to turn them over to God, because until we do that, we remain their prisoners.
To move on, one must learn to let go. It is easier said than done, but it is worth the work it takes, and the rewards are incalculable. I think it’s worth it in this, our world. Peace.
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