Forgiving Grace

“Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not hold against him, and in whose spirit there is no deceit” (Psalm 32).

Last week we talked about forgiveness, and particularly about how it requires an open and honest exchange if there is going to be genuine forgiveness and not just a sweeping of problems under the rug.

The beginning of forgiveness is recognizing that we aren’t always right, even when we think we are.

Not everything we do wrong is a sin, of course. The word “sin” primarily means to miss the mark. It is an archer’s term. When you miss your objective, you’ve sinned. You haven’t broken a law (check local ordinances – this is not a legal column!), but you’ve either come up short or gone wide of your intention.

Most of us are law-abiding citizens; we’re not law-breakers, so for purposes of this column let’s leave aside the issues of crime and punishment. Our focus is one of spiritual health and spiritual growth; improving our relations with God, neighbor, and self.

The fact is that when we are at odds with anyone, including ourselves, our spiritual health suffers. You can sense it emotionally in feelings of anxiety, depression, or loneliness; you can sense it physically as your breathing becomes more labored and your chest tightens up or your stomach churns; and you can sense it spiritually in estrangement – in distancing yourself from people and things that once delighted or energized you.

The function of confession, contrition, and absolution (or forgiveness) is healing of the soul – the person.

What keeps us from healing and being healed? For many, it is simply a lack of skill. We haven’t learned how to forgive or how to be forgiven. This is largely because we don’t know how to talk to one another honestly and openly. We are afraid someone will think we’re stupid or careless, so we hide what we think or what we’ve done. We go through life like chameleons, hoping against hope we won’t be noticed.

One thing that needs to change in our relationships, I believe, is for us to be able to tell others what we think, how we feel, and what we’ve done without having to defend ourselves. “Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord (or loved one) does not hold against him …”

We need to be able to listen to the “other” without judgment or condemnation. People are not honest because often we don’t want to know what others are thinking, how they are feeling, or what they have done. We talk past one another and sometimes feel that the louder we speak the easier it will be for others to hear what we are saying.

In reality, our ability to raise our voices or toss around lots of words is about as communicative as banging garbage cans is musical.

So we need to learn to listen to one another; we need to be willing to hear the other person’s story; we need to stand in their shoes, even if only for a minute. Remember, each of us has a story that has been shaped by what we have experienced, and which shapes who we are, and which contributes to the shape of who we are becoming.

When we tell our story openly and honestly with another person, we are able to honor who we are, and part of our heart’s desire is to be honored by those around us. When someone listens, that’s a powerful statement in itself, isn’t it? It says, “You are important to me,” and that simply feels good.

Honoring one another is what we’re talking about. Why does God forgive? I suspect it is in order to encourage us to do better, work harder, listen more intently, and to simply do what we can to be better citizens of heaven. God has an incurable optimism about us, despite everything we have done to convince God otherwise – God believes in us and refuses to give up on us.

Maybe if we were to act as if we are the people God sees through those rose colored glasses, we would begin to see the world improve just a little bit. That would get us just a little bit more on target and, ultimately, that would nice to see in this, our world.