Flickering Flames of Tomfoolery!

"Clouds and darkness are round about [the LORD], righteousness and justice are the foundations of his throne.” Psalm 97:2

I am a weather man. That’s two words, not one. We don’t use the term weatherman anymore because those friendly folks who tell us what the weather is doing may or may not be male, female, or something else entirely. So we call them meteorologists.

I’m not a meteorologist, although I am old enough I can still remember when the meteor took out the dinosaurs, but we’ll save our trip down Nostalgia Lane for another time.

No, I am a weather man. This is the time of year I open and close windows and doors to adjust the temperature inside the house. Yes, I do have thermostats and a wonderful HVAC system which can moderate those temperatures with precision, but where’s the fun in that? 

My doctor says I need more exercise, anyway, so I jump up and down and leap about, going from room to room making sure we get just the right amount of ventilation and cross breeze to help keep the house approximately where we want it temperature-wise.

I was engaged in such an exercise the other day when the little woman and I caught a whiff of smoke coming in through an open window. 

“Ah, someone’s burning yard waste,” I said. I love the scent that comes from burning barrels – leaves, twigs, pinecones, and maybe a hint of juniper needles.

I looked out through the patio door into the backyard to see if I could tell where that wonderful aroma was coming from and noted a passing cloud of smoke that was larger and denser than the standard barbecue or burning barrel variety, so I decided to go investigate. Once a cop, always a cop, I guess.

I went out onto the deck and could tell that what I had assumed was a burning barrel or small burnpile sort of activity taking place was much larger and decidedly not “that,” so I went around to the front of the house and was shocked to see smoke billowing up from a neighbor’s yard a couple doors down the street. I heard the swoosh of a portable fire extinguisher and toddled down the lane to get a better look.

My neighbor several houses down was fighting a brush fire alongside his driveway with a garden hose. An elderly gentleman from across the street was also fighting the flames with a red-barreled fire extinguisher. I was amazed to see just how little water garden hoses provide when one is fighting a towering inferno. I ascertained that no one had called 9-1-1 (and confirmed Moses was nowhere to be seen), so I did my duty, made the call, and before long I could hear the approaching sirens of our local fire brigade.

Fortunately, no one was hurt and the fire hadn’t reached the house; Fire services arrived within minutes and the fire was extinguished lickety-split, so to speak. Fire department hoses are much more effective than garden hoses at dousing flames.

The fire had apparently started when my neighbor decided to burn weeds along his driveway with a propane torch, rather than pulling them out one by one like most of us do. I don’t blame him; it seems like an easy solution to a weed problem. Unfortunately his weeds were beneath a large juniper hedge, and that’s what caught fire as sparks jumped from the undergrowth he was trying to clean up.

Sometimes we try to find an easy way out of our problems, but unless we boot up our gray matter first, those solutions can create even bigger problems. I’ve always been a slow learner, but I pride myself on the fact that I CAN learn. 

The irony of the situation was that after the fire department had rolled up their gear and gone, my neighbor fired up his propane torch again and went back to his weed eradication project. Sigh. At least he kept his garden hose closer at hand. 

I’m not sure weeds are his main problem, to be honest, but I admire his tenacity. I’ll just make sure to keep a nostril pointed in his direction for a while – at least while I’m doing my weather man duties here in this, our valley. Be safe out there, folks. Smoky Bear thanks you.

Keith Axberg writes on matters concerning life and faith. Author of: Who the Blazes is Jesus? Good News for a Vulgar World (available through Amazon in Print and e-book)