Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Some Assembly Required



It always seems impossible until it’s done – Nelson Mandela

Life does not come with instructions.

I am often amazed how, at my age, I am still confused by situations that arise from out of the blue. It would seem that, by now, one would intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle them, but I’m still waiting for that gene or knack to kick in.

Over the years I have put many things together, and over those same years I have seen instructions actually improve, and the mechanisms for connecting pieces of a construction puzzle have likewise gotten better.

I bought a pantry from a local big box store a few months back and all the parts were well packaged and labeled so that I always knew what was what, what went where, and which side was up, in, out, or optional. With the help of my son-in-law, we assembled it in about an hour and everything was square, plumb, and true.

That was a vast improvement over past experiences where similar units never had doors that hung right, and box corners were approximately square (give or take five degrees in any direction). I have learned that if a piece has a finished edge and an unfinished edge I will always – absolutely without fail – install the unfinished edge so it is what is seen.

I don’t know if that would be considered a knack (for reversing things), a gift (not everyone can be wrong 100% of the time), or a curse (I am leaning toward the latter).

In any case, things have improved remarkably well in the world of knock-yourself-out-while-you-do-it-all projects and I, for one, am elated. I love how screws, bolts, and washers come packaged and labeled on a bubble board rather than loose in a plastic bag. I love how various pieces have stickers clearly identifying them (A, B, C, or 1, 2, 3, etc.) so they are easy to match with the step-by-step instructions. It’s almost like my prayers over the years have been answered. It has also resulted in less procrastination on my part – a miracle, indeed, if there ever was one.

Well, I see ol’ Murphy of Murphy’s Law fame has been at it again, though.

My wife and I are expecting a grandchild in a few months, and so we bought our daughter and her family a new crib (with drawers and changing table). Andrew (my aforementioned son-in-law) and I opened the package and removed the contents and discovered to our horror and chagrin that virtually none of the parts were labeled, the instructions were in ancient Sanskrit, and the instructions had been drawn by a drunken otter during a long weekend bender.

I presume this was payback in the war on tariffs, but let’s not go there and stick to the story.

Andrew and I slowly, but surely, began to identify the myriad pieces to the puzzle and hardware and, piece-by-piece, began to assemble the Crib-Mahol (as I deem it). Little by little it came together and began to resemble the picture on the box. After only an hour or so, the major portion of the project was finished and it was exactly what we had hoped for – sturdy, square, straight, functional, and beautiful – with one exception. Two pieces had been reversed (by yours, truly). It doesn’t affect the functionality of the crib in any way, and only those knowing what to look for would see the error.

The baby isn’t due for several more months, so there is plenty of time to disassemble a few parts and fix the error; I may yet do that.

It could also be evidence that I had helped put it together – the backwards pieces being my signature – so archaeologists in the future may identify the crib as an Axberg-original. It also serves as a reminder that only God is perfect. There are some crafts-folks who intentionally add a blemish to their work to keep their humility in check. Alas, I need no such reminders, for I am all too human.

Life comes with no instructions, but that’s OK. Even with instructions, I manage to goof things up, but nothing catastrophic (that I know of). My dream is to assemble an ultralight airplane, but with my track record, that may not be wise.

At least I’ve learned that much in this, our valley.

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