The Air Apparent

DEWEY 1898 – 1910 “He was only a cat” but he was human enough to be a great comfort in hours of loneliness and pain. Found on a Tombstone

Sometimes life confuses me. Mostly when I’m awake, I’ll confess, but never-the-less, I find it quite mystifying.

Everything was quite fine and then one day recently – BLAM – my sinuses erupted in quite a Vesuvian style. I shouldn’t be surprised. It happens this time every year when the local trees begin tossing forth their dander. Most people have no trouble perambulating through this fuzz-filled air, but not me.

I could understand this vegetative assault on my sinuses if I were some sort of vegan or cereal murderer, but I am a carnivore. I am so kind towards the world’s flora I don’t even like mowing the lawn (but do so under the directions of a higher power).

Still, pollen hates me. Either that or it loves to afflict me. I suspect it has to do with my Scandinavian heritage. Snow and ice have no pollens so we blue eyed blonds have developed no defenses against such blights, I’m sorry to say.

It is a good time of year to stock up on your Tissue Stocks as sales bloom prolifically. I should just hang a roll from the ceiling above my chair and pull and tear as needed, for the bounty from my nose requires an endless issue of tissue.

I have tried taking a medical approach to my allergies, but find the instructions, warnings, and the complexity of symptoms each pill, capsule, or syrup addresses leaves me more confused and dizzy than the allergies themselves, and as nasty as it is to have a face that resembles the running of the bulls at Pamplona, it is preferable to the zombie-like trance so many meds put me in (or under).

Still, as my trash can can only hold thirty three gallons of used tissues before needing the bag to be replaced, I decided to try some of the OTC meds to see if they might help slow the mighty muddy flowing from Mount Schnozzola.

Some meds claim to do it all, but I’ve never been crazy for multi-taskers. I don’t want a pill fixing what ain’t broke. I just want something to stop post nasal drip (if that’s the issue), or to stop my coughing, if that’s the problem. I don’t normally have all twelve listed symptoms, so it seems a waste of resources to address that baker’s dozen – although to be completely honest, knowing there is a capsule that can address so many symptoms at once is not a concept to be sneezed at!

So I stopped by the pharmacy to check out my alternatives and was overwhelmed by the sheer number of pharmaceutical options sitting out there on the shelves. My goodness; we are either the sickest nation in the world or the healthiest! Only in retirement can I hope to have the time I need to read all the labels to determine which drug (or combination) I need. And have you seen the size of the print?

When I was a child, my eyesight was so keen I could read a passage of scripture printed on a microdot (although what earthly good a microdot passage of scripture could be is beyond my capacity to conceive). But now, I find it helpful if anything I need to read is done in the headline font of the local paper. How on earth is someone suffering from watery eyes, a runny nose, and constant sneezing and hacking supposed to stand in an aisle and read the micro-fine print that warns the dangers of taking that particular chemical experiment-in-a-box?

So I did the most counter-intuitively thing imaginable; I asked the pharmacist what I should take for what ailed me and he made some suggestions after asking a few pertinent and probing questions. I made my purchases, followed the instructions and, voila, have been improving. I am almost back to normal – or as normal as I ever expect to be – and hope some day to once again be a productive member of the human race.

In the meantime, I think I better start eating more fruits and vegetables. It’s the only way I know how to exact vengeance on that which has had its way with me each spring in this, our pollen-filled valley.