Life on Life's Terms

"Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions . . . could have, might have and should have." Unknown

There are many things that conspire to freeze us in our tracks. Fear of failure is one such conspirator.

Everyone experiences failings and losses over the years.

Friends grow up, move across town or across the country, and a time comes when ties which bound that friendship you once thought were “stronger than blood” simply cease to be. Warmth and affection give way to fond memories, and those eventually fade to black – rubbing elbows with the knick knacks and bric-a-brac of life’s experiences, stuck in a vault of the mind where they’re all wishfully secured.

I say “wishfully” because some of our memories aren’t so wonderful; it is those that often manage to find their way out of the vault, sneaking up or down a creaky staircase to make life miserable for its owner at the worst possible moment. It would be nice if only the pleasant memories would make a trip to the landing to visit, but it seems that only the stinky ones bother to make the journey in the first place.

I presume that is because they represent the “unfinished business” of life. Rather than dealing with such unpleasantries, we stuff them deep into loosely tied haversacks, hoping against hope that that’ll finish them off. We’re never that lucky, of course. Nature abhors a vacuum, and unfinished business is just that.

The human mind seeks – indeed, demands – closure. Try to stop singing a song three notes short of the end; or tell me what happens to you when you’re riveted to an episode of your favorite television show, it reaches a dramatic turning point, and then, “To be continued” hits the screen. Your jaw drops, you say, “Oh no” (or variant), and you make every effort to remember to watch the next episode, because a cliff-hanger leaves you uncomfortably dangling.

I think there is a lot of unfinished business in our world. We have gotten far too good at not dealing with problems and issues that confront us daily at home, work, or school. We procrastinate and put things off, and soon it becomes more than a convenience; it becomes a way of life.

We cannot experience full, complete, and happy lives if we are not willing and able to confront life head-on; to deal with “life on life’s terms” (as a colloquial expression goes).

One of the things that prevents us from dealing with life on life’s terms is our tendency to white-wash our lives; to delude ourselves with wishful thinking, or to believe we are better than we are.

That’s not to say we don’t have sterling qualities; after all, no one is all bad (which includes politicians, bankers, brokers, and lawyers); but sometimes we are a bit delusional in our thinking. That is why it is important to have people with whom we can be open and honest – close friends and confidants, and – equally important, people who can (and will) provide us with honest feedback.

I’m reminded of King David who, at one point in his life, felt he was quite good and noble: “Don’t let me suffer the fate of sinners … I am not like that; I do what is right, so in your mercy (Lord), save me” (Psalm 26).

Later, Samuel (his good friend and spiritual advisor) confronted David with some ugly truths: You’re a liar, cheat, and thief; you stole a man’s wife, lied to him to save your skin, and when that didn’t work you conspired to murder him in battle with treachery.”

That drove David to his knees: “I was born a sinner – yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. You desire honesty, but …” (Psalm 51).

Most of us don’t have baggage quite that heavy, but we do have baggage stored away in the deep, dark recesses of our hearts and minds. Each bag has a tag, and inscribed on each tag are three simple words: To be continued. Until we open those bags and deal with their contents, they’ll stop and freeze us in place with fear.

Spiritual health demands rigorous honesty. We’ll talk about that next time in this, our world … to be continued.